This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
