My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
