i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
