the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
