So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
