remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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