i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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