This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
