I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
