you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
