I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
