he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
