Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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