I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
