I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
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