my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
