ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
