Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
