yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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