I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
