So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
