Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
