Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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