"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
