Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
