Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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