whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
