now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
