have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
