oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
