Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
