Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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