Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
