70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
