if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
