I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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