Say something about gay babies.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
