the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
