your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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