I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
