She's JV to your varsity
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we're making bets on your personal life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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