Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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