And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
