Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
