My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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