All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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