You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
