just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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