I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
