And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
