You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
