I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
