I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize