she was so not down for the gang bang
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
