Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
