I am puke
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
