Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im holly from the hills drunk
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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