Whod you bang
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
