you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
