I need to stop coming to work sober
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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