well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
