also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
