Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
