You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you will always have a special place in my vag
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
