I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
