He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize